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Shan

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May 13 16 6:11 AM

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http://www.gwydhar.com/comics/werewif/index.shtml

I actually quite like this one, it's just frustrating that this one could have just been so much better if they'd addressed what I thought were some glaring narrative flaws, one in particular.
It's just that it IMO, it could have been better if they'd just taken a small amount of time to have a reason as to why the main character couldn't solve his dilemma straight away, with what he ended up doing right at the end anyway. Which would have made for an extremely short story, which I guess is why they didn't do that but it meant it all seemed a bit arbitrary.

I'm thinking of this one belonging to the category of webcomics which, as opposed to those which are always going to be terrible, this one is one of those which is frustrating because just a few tweaks and it could have come closer to reaching its potential if it had just had one more pass on the story, I think. Not a bad webcomic like the majority but could have reached greater heights even by the mere virtue of at least giving a reason why the easy solution couldn't be used, at least without some difficulty. Also in its favour is that it's complete. 

Anyway, I'd like permission to start a draft review on this one (to be posted in this thread) to make my case for inclusion. Also, might help me ramp to doing the other two I'm working on which are vaguely in the same ballpark thematically, which are both ongoing and kind of just traditionally terrible and hence, ultimately more of a chore to do. I think this one will help ease me back into things because I really do want to say nice things about it as well as talking about where I think it might have gone wrong.
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Shan

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#2 [url]

May 14 16 6:40 AM

Long Tom wrote:
I supposed "could have been much better" would be a reason to incorporate a webcomic in our listings.

i kind of find those ones the most frustrating. There are webcomics which are always going to be trainwrecks and should be here and rightly so. I think these ones should also be valid (variation for us is also something which helps stop us from going stir crazy too).

What I could never shake about this one is that they never set up a plausible reason as to why the main character (Linus) couldn't just show the girl he was interested in the problem he'd been afflicted with, which is what he did at the end anyway. Sure, early on it's plausible that he would be too embarrassed, confused, whatever and then he puts the cart before the horse by telling instead of showing around page 200 or so, all of which is believable because it's all very a very disorientating experience and he's not exactly the most assertive person ever.

However, he's able to convince his best friend instantly when he sees a transformation and then there's 200 pages or so of various diversions which end up with his demonstrating it, girl in question goes away to think about it and then comes back and says she's OK with it (at least for now). I don't know what they could have done but I couldn't shake the feeling that they should have tried something to remove that possibility (edit: I meant remove the possibility - or at least give a reason why it wasn't straightforward - before the time he actually did so at the end. Basically give some sort of reason why he couldn't have done so sooner) so it was just a bit more complicated.

I'm not exactly the most articulate person either but I was wondering if I could have approval to have a crack at a draft to be posted in this thread and see if I get what I'm trying to do to get to work in practice. I think just one more pass and a few changes could have really added one star to this at least (I think it's a sum total greater than its parts situation).

Last Edited By: Shan May 14 16 6:57 AM. Edited 1 time.

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Long Tom

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#3 [url]

May 14 16 6:22 PM

Not every webcomic we list here is a trainwreck.  Some were good ones that later went wrong, or could have been good but for serious flaws, such as bad art.

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Shan

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#4 [url]

May 14 16 6:30 PM

Long Tom wrote:
Not every webcomic we list here is a trainwreck.  Some were good ones that later went wrong, or could have been good but for serious flaws, such as bad art.

Oh, I know. I have stumbled across those reviews on occasion. Also, on even rarer occasions, ones that started off badly and got better to the point where they and their review exited the Wiki (OK, well once then).

(edit: and of course Chesire Crossing, where the review identified as you said, the art as the main problem while the writing was not and then I found in an interview where Andy Weir said more or less the same thing, that he tried with the art but he agreed that he didn't get good enough at it for what was needed in the webcomic.)

OK to go ahead on your say so with a draft for this thread or do you want more people to weigh in here first?

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Long Tom

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#5 [url]

May 15 16 7:57 AM

Shan wrote:

OK to go ahead on your say so with a draft for this thread or do you want more people to weigh in here first?

If nobody says anything, go ahead with the draft.  But maybe you should start with the text and your arguments first in case somebody mught dusagree, and worry about other elements later.

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Shan

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#7 [url]

May 15 16 2:58 PM

TheBiggerFish wrote:
You know, I just realized the title of this comic effectively means "the man-lady". Is that intentional? Or just some poor attempt at making a pun off of werewolf.

I did not realise that. My guess is that it would be a deliberate attempt at making a pun on werewolf given the change is once a month.

OK, I will get on with writing something and posting it here very soon. It'll be a good warm up as I actually don't mind this webcomic, before I have to do The Melvin Chronicles (ugh), which means I have to re-read large parts of I Dream of a Jeanie Bottle (erggggghhhh) and then do Sailor Sun (arghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!).

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Shan

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Nov 18 16 4:27 PM

OK, I've a draft (finally done something in the Sandbox versus the forum)

http://badwebcomicswiki.shoutwiki.com/wiki/User:Shan

I'm definitely going to work on it some more before thinking of putting it up but how is it so far? Basically OK or is there some big things that need to get fixed and how so?

I'll do my best to get onto The Melvin Chronicles next before the end of the year. Since Sailor Sun is a sort of meta-nexus for a lot of other webcomics, I suspect that one's going to be my ongoing project for 2017 as it has a lot to say about that whole subgroup of comics as well as in a sense crossing over with them. I suspect I'm going to have to take notes.

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Shan

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#10 [url]

Nov 19 16 5:02 PM

Long Tom wrote:
If possible I always try to put up a "whole" strip in each review, namely as an example.

That's the thing. There are no whole strips. Reading this is like watching a slideshow. Each panel is a separate slide and is not on the same page as any other. The three I have in the review are panels 185, 187, and 384. Each one is displayed separately as you read it.

I'll spend at least a few more days polishing it before even thinking of putting it on the Wiki, assuming I've got the go ahead to enter it.

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SmashLampjaw

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Nov 19 16 5:58 PM

Overall, the main problem with the review is large parts of written conversationally and with information left out, as if you were speaking in person to someone who already read the comic. You seem to lack an overall conclusion that you're trying to sell your reader on and I think it's resulted in a lack of focus in your writing.

There are quite a few places where, in addition to not actually describing the comic you're reviewing, you instead spend an unhealthy amount of time talking about things that aren't the comic. The most glaring example is the "Downfall" which doesn't even contain the downfall (meaning the moment in time the comic became irredeemable in your eyes).

For the sake of this example, I'm color-coding what you wrote as introduction, talking about something else, reiteration, and actually explaining the problem.
.

Your review wrote:
There is a potential narrative pitfall in a lot of fiction, which is "Instead of the seemingly arbitrary sequence of events we've just experienced why didn't X just do Y instead?". 'Y' being something perfectly logical that makes much more sense in real life than what the story put forward. If it was a book, would end the story in under ten pages and if it was a film or TV, in under 5 minutes. Unfortunately, I feel The Werewif fell into this trap.

The problem and solution can be explained with an unrelated example that did skate perilously close to falling into the same trap but in contrast, left a way out by giving the audience room to come up with rationalize an explanation.

For example, as was often mentioned with the movie X-Men: Days of Future Past, it was a common question as to why not just take Quicksilver with them to Paris and do everything with his super speed instead of leaving him behind? Why not simply just do this?

Days of Future Past - How It Should Have Ended

What I came up with is that based on what I'd seen before of the characters, they got overconfident and figured that now the hard part was over (breaking Magneto out of the Pentagon), just getting into a much less heavily guarded conference room in comparison with all their powers put together would be a snap. Other people might come up with different ideas and admittedly for some people, it might still not work at all. The point being is that the story gave the viewer some implied possibilities from the setup to work with so that they could come up with something that worked for them as to why Quicksilver was left behind.


In the case of this webcomic, however, the one thing I could never shake while reading this is if the lead character could get past the hurdle of telling both his best friend and his potential love interest what happened to him after he was bitten, there's no impediment to his then showing the transformation take place. If anything, he really needed to do that at that point, the logical order of events is muddled as it really should be Show then Tell. Otherwise you end up looking like a lunatic which is exactly what happens via a long, avoidable storytelling detour as a result.

I guess to put it even more simply, if you put the hero of your story in a situation they have to find a solution to, don't have it where the solution is the equivalent to a red button on the wall next to them that they can push straight away to solve it. Put some kind of obstacle in their way so they have to travel a bit and overcome challenges to get there. Or at the very least, some sort of reason you can buy as to why they didn't take the safest, most obvious course of action. I felt this story didn't have that and I could never quite shake that feeling at any point while reading it as a result.
image

This is panel 384 of 408. As the story was written, there is literally no reason given why he couldn't have shown everyone he needed to convince anytime after it happened.


You have to remember you're not writing a perky article for people who are long-time readers of your blog. You're being helpful in a decidedly unhelpful way for an audience of people who probably found your article on accident while searching for the comic you trashed. If you're not sure about a style, use persuasive essay format for a rough draft, then transform that into something that actually sounds like you. It's not that your style of writing is inherently flawed, it's that you're not talking about the things you're supposed to (the comic and what's wrong with the comic) using it.

I don't come away from your review with the idea that you thought Werewif was a bad comic needing a review. It's a subjective matter whether or not the reader agrees with our reviews, but it's another if it doesn't seem like the author agrees with himself.

All right, some other issues, going from top to bottom.

Defining Flaw: Not everyone is going to know what "the Quicksilver Effect" is, and you shouldn't be jumping from one movie reference to another in the middle of writing what should be a one-sentence summary of what screwed up thing gnawed at you over the course of the entire comic. Maybe just try your version of: "The main source of conflict could be solved in about 5 seconds but persists for over 300 pages."

Rating Summary: Storyline part kind of rambles but it does explain the problem. Characters part is all right, though the language you used might be a bit cumbersome (inb4 pot kettle black). Miscellaneous Details part's description doesn't get across why you gave it two seals; it mostly seems like an observation with some pictures to the left of it. Overall part makes it sounds like you reviewed this comic for no good reason.

Reading Technical Details: This is very hard to understand and should probably be a complaint under "background" rather than an instructional section.

Background: Only half of one sentence actually applies to the comic. You're supposed to be explaining how you/we found the comic and how you wound up reviewing it, not going on and on about how most genderbending comics are m2f (incidentally, around 9 out of 10 transsexuals are m2f so your complaint about poor variety in fiction probably has nothing to do with The Patriarchy).

Story and Plot: The first sentence is a run-on sentence. The rest is a bit jumbled... you get into some detail in one part, then summarize a ton of stuff, then end with a spoiler warning followed by a vague reference that (again) you're assuming your reader is already familiar with instead of explaining.

Downfall: (already covered)

Art Review: Very short.

Writing Review: Your last 2 paragraphs thoroughly undermine the point in your review existing at all. You basically lead with "This comic isn't bad but it's not good worse than it isn't bad" and end with effectively telling the reader you'll have to agree to disagree if they're not convinced by your article. The rest is usable, though.

Conclusion: This is mostly made up of arguments you should have made earlier. It should probably be one small paragraph and it should drive home that the contrivance of the protagonist not transforming in front of his girlfriend ate at you the entire time you were reading instead of you going overboard to seem open to differing opinion.

.


Issues composing posts in Yuku's editor?  See this guide to using BBCode.

Last Edited By: SmashLampjaw Nov 19 16 6:01 PM. Edited 1 time.

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Long Tom

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Nov 19 16 6:53 PM

As for the Art Review, you need to say more than if you like it or it's suitable.  You should describe the art in more detail, such as its being relaistic, no backgrounds, how proportions/figures/perspective are, etc.  I make it a point to do that.

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Shan

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#13 [url]

Nov 24 16 5:00 PM

I haven't forgotten about this/not ignoring this. Just trying to find some time to sit down and both read this (properly) and work on this.

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Shan

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#15 [url]

Nov 25 16 2:30 AM

It's kind of a very old site. Also, even though the lights are still on, I don;t think anyone's been home for a very long time.

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SmashLampjaw

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#16 [url]

Nov 25 16 6:04 PM

Shan wrote:
webkilla wrote:
holy shit the layout of the comic site is shit. no archive setup? just links to jpgs?
It's kind of a very old site.
If we go by the first issue of 8-Bit Theater in 2001, Nuklear Power is 7 years older than Werewif, and as someone who was reading it back when it was new I can attest to the fact it had navigation.

Incidentally, the horrific navigation should be detailed in your review. Don't tell people how to get around it; explain why it is awful. Pictures might help.

.


Issues composing posts in Yuku's editor?  See this guide to using BBCode.

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#17 [url]

Nov 26 16 2:38 PM

fuck me in the butthole... I actually read a few of the comics

holy shit this is some cringy bullshit here.

I thought this was some kind of low-key furry webcomic - about a guy who ends up dating a woman who is a werewolf, with the title being a twist on "werewife"

no... apparently its a guy meeting a girl at a bar, who bites him - AND THEN HE TURNS INTO A WOMAN THE NEXT DAY!


While I will give it points for originality, then I will slam it for being a fucking stupid and lazy ass gimmick. I mean, fucking hell. I now get why Shan talked about the comic being shit because it could have been so much more.

hell, I would have enjoyed reading a comic about a guy meeting a girl in a club, then discovering that she's a were-something and having to cope with that - maybe get roped in some were-drama and eventually get turned into one himself or shit like that. AFAIK there aren't any webcomics that tell exactly that story.

but this? Women who turn men into women? If it wasn't for the fact that its drawn fairly competently and doesn't in any way smell of tumblr, then I'd say it was some kind of sneaky SJW comic - but there doesn't appear to be any kind of plot about "werewif" women trying to infect everyone and take over the world

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Shan

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#18 [url]

Nov 26 16 4:13 PM

Actually, out of the characters, there aren't any women in this apart from the one the main character is trying to ask out.

All the rest are men who are either genetically prone to do this (apart from the bartender whose gene is 'defective'), so he stays the way he is.

But then there's the men who get bitten who can catch it.

And yet there's a cure for everyone bitten (somehow) but only if the last person (and only the last person) who gets bitten, kills the person who bit all of them which seems to suggest magic is also involved. Otherwise, I'm not sure how that is supposed to work. I'm beginning to suspect they weren't really pushing for a hard science angle here in the story telling (though I did learn what sygyzy means, thanks to this webcomic).

There's no plot to take over the world, in fact they're quite determined to not pass it along unless someone really wants to join the club, so to speak (and they're not advertising for new members) *and* they pass rigourous testing of some sort. That means they really can't have some renegade going around biting people willy-nilly. I did also like how it ended with the so-called main antagonist responsible for this getting a literal stern talking to about learning to behave and not to do it again (which seems to sink in) as opposed to anything more sinister or melodramatic.

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Shan

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#19 [url]

Jan 15 17 3:13 AM

OK, this still needs a bit more polish and I might put in plus shuffle around some links but I think this is much better. I knew my previous attempt was going to need heavy rewrites at the time I did it but I just wanted to complete something (anything) to get over a severe case of writer's block. Once that framework was up, this was relatively much easier. I read all the notes and feedback and tried to use it as best as I can.

I think all up, this is approaching a level that potentially could go up in the next few days with a bit more tweaking (I hope.)

http://badwebcomicswiki.shoutwiki.com/wiki/User:Shan

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#20 [url]

Jan 15 17 11:53 PM

I would be harsher on it - but that's personal opinion

good work on the review

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