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Dec 21 16 9:33 PM

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This spawned from the Ace of Hearts forum and it was way too fun so I'm moving it here. This would be us if we were a family:

SmashLampjaw and Shan: Father and mother respectively
UglyHyena and Webkilla: Their daughter and son respectively (I might be wrong about this)
ArchivalMelon: Their hyper observant family pet who may or may not have a nefarious plan involving world domination
Sindy and thisgirl: Shan's sisters, twins (Sindy evil, thisgirl good)
Long Tom: thisgirl's husband
FernandoLemon (me) and American Dork: thisgirl and Long Tom's sons
plarblman and ohitsyou: Disowned uncles, more than likely Smash's brothers
BigBurkhart: Unspecified drunken godparent
oddguy: The landlord
Horerczy: "The Urkel"
Beardfirst: "Kafka protagonist" neighbor

We're missing a lot of important people but eh, what can one man do?

Last Edited By: FernandoLemon Dec 24 16 4:10 PM. Edited 5 times

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#1 [url]

Dec 22 16 12:09 AM

Does this make me the Urkel?

_____________________________________________________________________

People have a common defense mechanism they employ to defend themselves from the threat of contrary viewpoints. This shield they wield is the act of dismissing such contrary viewpoints by arbitrarily undermining their validity.

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plarblman

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#3 [url]

Dec 22 16 7:34 AM

If you're asking which branch of the family I'm from, the answer to that is: Shan and Smash don't like to talk about me, so they've never admitted who I am a brother to. So I guess you could just leave it ambiguous.

If you're asking why I'm disowned, it was an incident involving summer camp, some surgical tubing, and a wandering family of meninite circus performers.

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Beardfist

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#4 [url]

Dec 22 16 9:48 AM

While I've contributed nowhere near enough to at all have a spot, I've always liked to think of myself as the Kafka protagonist living just next door.

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Shan

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#5 [url]

Dec 22 16 1:03 PM

plarblman wrote:
If you're asking which branch of the family I'm from, the answer to that is: Shan and Smash don't like to talk about me, so they've never admitted who I am a brother to. So I guess you could just leave it ambiguous.

If you're asking why I'm disowned, it was an incident involving summer camp, some surgical tubing, and a wandering family of meninite circus performers.

Oh fine then.

I mix you up with your brother ohitsyou because he's always wearing that gas mask and gas masks are at best, a crude approximation of a human face. Do I need to say more?

You can stay in your brother's room over Christmas and New Year's but I'm counting the silverware.

Quote from Veep:

"Jonah, you're not even a man, you're like an early draft of a man where they just sketched out a giant, mangled skeleton but they didn't have time to add details like pigment or self-respect."

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#8 [url]

Dec 22 16 9:26 PM

Shan

I mix you up with your brother ohitsyou

Wasn't ohitsyou your son?
American Dork

Am I not in the family? But...I've been here since we got fezzes!

I can at least come to the family gatherings, right?

Of course you are! Just name what part of the family you want to be and you'll be added to the tree.
thisgirl
But who's Lemon's daddy?? 0A0 My poor son has to have a father! *Overly squeezes Lemon*

Ow! Mom! Not that hard!
 

Last Edited By: FernandoLemon Dec 22 16 9:28 PM. Edited 1 time.

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Shan

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#9 [url]

Dec 22 16 9:42 PM

American Dork wrote:
Am I not in the family? But...I've been here since we got fezzes!

I can at least come to the family gatherings, right?

plarbs! Your cousin's here. You know? thisgirl's (other) kid.

There she is banging on about the need to repopulate the species or something. How's that working out for her? 

A bundle of neuroses with self-esteem issues who absolutely insists on wearing his sunglasses indoors.

The resemblance between you and him is uncanny but what Smash gets up to in his free time is his business.

"But who's Lemon's daddy?? 0A0 My poor son has to have a father!"

What my sister and Long Tom get up to is *her* business. Not even my other sister Sindy is likely to touch that one.

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Shan

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#10 [url]

Dec 22 16 9:52 PM

FernandoLemon wrote:
This spawned from the Ace of Hearts forum and it was way too fun so I'm moving it here. This would be us if we were a family:

SmashLampjaw and Shan: Father and mother respectively
UglyHyena and ohitsyou: Their daughter and son respectively (I might be wrong about this)
ArchivalMelon: Their hyper observant family pet who may or may not have a nefarious plan involving world domination
Sindy and thisgirl: Shan's sisters, twins (Sindy evil, thisgirl good)
FernandoLemon (me): thisgirl's son
plarblman: Unspecified uncle, more than likely Smash's brother
BigBurkhart: Unspecified drunken godparent
oddguy: The landlord
Horerczy: "The Urkel"
Beardfirst: "Kafka protagonist" neighbor

I'll be making this as a Christmas gift for all of you. Happy holidays!

Not quite. 'Plarbs' is brother to ohitsyou. Also looks uncannily like American Dork, brother to Fernando Lemon. 

oddguy: absentee landlord

Horerczy: All mouth that guy. Real fly-by-nighter.

ArchivalMelon: Don't think we haven't seen you talking to Comic Fury. We're onto you.

 

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Shan

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#17 [url]

Dec 25 16 7:30 PM

ohitsyou is Ugly Hyena's sister.

plarblman is cousin to American Dork and I guess that makes him ohitsyou and Ugly Hyena's Brother.

Serious implication and innuendo about American Dork's real parentage given he looks suspiciously like plarblman. Like I said, what Smash does in his spare time is his business. Notice how we haven't seen him in about a week?

I don't remember anyone ever saying anyone was actually married to anyone. Maybe it's a common-law thing. (If you hadn't already noticed, we're all incredibly common.)

No idea how webkilla snuck in there, someone's going to have to fill me in on that one.

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#19 [url]

Dec 26 16 5:12 PM

Shan wrote:
ohitsyou is Ugly Hyena's sister.

plarblman is cousin to American Dork and I guess that makes him ohitsyou and Ugly Hyena's Brother.

Serious implication and innuendo about American Dork's real parentage given he looks suspiciously like plarblman. Like I said, what Smash does in his spare time is his business. Notice how we haven't seen him in about a week?

I don't remember anyone ever saying anyone was actually married to anyone. Maybe it's a common-law thing. (If you hadn't already noticed, we're all incredibly common.)

No idea how webkilla snuck in there, someone's going to have to fill me in on that one.

Originally, when I made my massive s̶h̶i̶t̶p̶o̶s̶t̶ contribution to the discussion, I intended for webkilla to be siblings with Hyena and ohitsyou, but he didn't have much to do with that discussion so I left him out. I'm not sure how this would affect any new branches.

While I'm here, can I be credited as a hobo who just sort of hangs out outside of the house?

Last Edited By: Lt Art Major Dec 26 16 5:15 PM. Edited 1 time.

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