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Long Tom

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May 13 17 1:18 PM

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She was the author of the now-deleted English-language version of the Mobius Adventure Comic which we reviewed, but the Spanish-language version is still there, and ayamepso is putting more cartoons into her DA page, though not related to Sonic the Hedgehog.  Any Spanish speakers want to see how good or bad the Spanish version of the comic is?
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#5 [url]

May 15 17 7:25 PM

Thanks, I have been lurking the forums once in a while but didn't have anything of importance to share so that's why I remained quiet all this time.

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#8 [url]

May 15 17 10:34 PM

Just to give a preliminary observation, I have read up to 94 comics from the 222 available on that archive and so far the story is the average teenage fanfic: one dimensional characters (both original and from the sonic franchise) with no defined goals or personality, poorly executed references to their favorite mangas (so far, dragon ball, sailor moon, and ranma 1/2), events that try to build up to something but are easily solved, comedy that suddenly becomes drama and viceversa, text that barely fits on the word bubbles and presents grammar mistakes such as missing punctuation or bad orthography, cliche jokes that undermine the characters and their supposed importance in the plot, artwork that hardly moves beyond a level of quality (it does get a tiny bit better with each 10 pages or so but the growth is superficial since the art was replicating manga drawing from the very beginning -though the artist at least tries to experiment a bit more with perspective and background detailing after a while-, but overall, the characters have poor anatomy and design and their bodies have no "personal space" against the environment to speak of; if anything, a good point would be the black and white contrast, which works well), poorly drawn action scenes and emotional moments, average panel layout that at times doesn't know which way is supposed to be read (dialogue flow inside the panels fights against the panel flow), and at no point does the story give you the feeling that you should come back to it if you stop reading.
  My preliminary conclusion: this fanfic is just average, for what it's worth it helped the artist practice drawing for a while, but since it was written on a whim (like all other wish fulfillment stories are) the art is dragged around to poorly express the cliche scenes desired by the artist, which is why everything is flat and superficial.
  I'll keep on reading to see how far it stays the same, though.

(Edit: I commited an act of irony by spelling orthography as "ortography" before. Such is life)

Last Edited By: Charles Chroniel May 15 17 10:38 PM. Edited 1 time.

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#9 [url]

May 16 17 12:15 AM

Alright, I read the rest of the available comics so here's my conclusion:

The strongest point is the art (as pointed out in the wiki review), after the 90th page mark or so the artist began experimenting more with the panel layout and past 110th page or so the dialogue flow was seamless with the panel flow, the character design got a lot better as details got carried on through panels and the poses were not as stiff like in the beginning, the perspective got varied as well and for most parts it worked well, backgrounds got more details and served as more than just filler, but most importantly, the artist focused only on drawing sonic characters which helped a lot. Other than that, the anatomy of the characters and the objects shown still had their share of mistakes and room for improvement, and at no point there was any variation with the light or any true indication of how time was passing by, use of color contrast to bring out a unique mood was limited and underdeveloped.

The greatest flaw was the writing, characters remained one dimensional and without true goals, making their interaction with one another a storm of moodswings and sudden changes of alignment. Cliches drove the plot up and down from beginning to end, and the important plot points where a confused mess of silly things that tried to pass themselves as dramatic insightful events (spoiler alert: Chaos Emeralds transform teenage girls into Sailor Moon Expies, or Sonic Characters if they touch warm water; Dr. Robotnic was a hedgehog AND the king's brother before purposely transforming himself into a human [in a world without did he know that would happen?]), Sonic is not a strong character or even the fastest (hell, he doesn't even show his speed at all), edgy characters are introduced in bunches only so Sonic can look even more useless than before, and our three main female protagonists are as interesting as three planks with painted faces sitting there while things happen. All main characters were idiots at some point for the sake of comedy, but since the story slowly became a drama the jokes disintegrated into plain ol' stupidity on hindsight, which makes anyone with a brain question why the artist didn't remade the whole thing from scratch if it was taking that direction.

In conclusion, the artist made an effort to improve their drawing skills but their lack of skill in writing dragged them down to the point that the comic had no identity. There were jokes but no true comedy, sad and dangerous moments but no true drama, and mysterious pasts but no true suspense. Just another average fanfic on the internet.

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